


forever is a long time

by heart_shrines



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 05:59:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3108653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heart_shrines/pseuds/heart_shrines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a bunch of moments between Carmilla and Laura within one day;</p>
            </blockquote>





	forever is a long time

the sadness started when you were convinced nobody would ever love you – _i am too hard to love_ , were your exact words. and that was a long time ago, so you had given up after countless speeches by your mom about how doing the right thing was actually doing anything she wanted you to. decades of that can break anyone’s self-esteem. and you were fine being alone forever, until she appeared, a beacon of hope that you were afraid would fade away when she found out who you really are. you were sure she would get exhausted of you – but she never did.

so here you are, awake at 4 in the morning looking at the sky while she sleeps right beside you. you’ve been considering running away for days, but you don’t seem to be courageous enough, whatever that means. courage is something you will forever struggle with – and forever is a long time to struggle with anything —

laura mumbles in her sleep, and she says _carm_ in a beautiful and sweet away, so you running off is just out of the window. you kiss her forehead and say _i am here_. it’s a promise. one that you want to keep —

you wake up hours later, and it’s the first time you realize how much you love being the small spoon, which is ridiculous because laura is smaller than you, but at the moment you don’t care, because you’ve waited centuries to even allow yourself to feel like a silly teenager. _you hog the covers, you know that right?_ is the first thing she tells you when you look at her. you roll your eyes and say _get used to it, cupcake._ and she replies with _who says i am complaining?_ and that’s probably what you need to get used to: that she loves everything about _you_ , even the dark parts.

you put some jazzy music (Like's Green Dress) on and starts making coffee, because laura loves these intimate moments and you know by now this is when you get the closest to feeling alive, and part of something, too. it’s cold outside so you both feel like getting back to bed – after laura eats, because she hates crumbs on the bed and you say things like _it’s good i don’t eat a lot so you know the crumbs are actually yours_ so she just says _i know you eat all of my cookies in bed when i’m sleeping_ and you just pout a little to end the conversation.

she brings today’s paper with her and starts doing the crosswords. you go right after because you love seeing her face when she knows she has an answer but doesn’t remember, like the now infamous second row/10 letters for a french word that is also a swedish massage technique (it was _effleurage_ , out of all things) and you let her stay hours thinking about that one and when she finally remembered it’s because you’re both in bed doing massages of your own. the normal thing to do was to get mad at her for thinking about crosswords during an intimate moment, but you are actually glad at how smart and wonderful and resilient she is. alas, this is a brand new crossword, so you just wait while playing with louis, the cat.

laura looks at you out of the blue after completing the crossword. you’re almost asleep when she says _you need a haircut_. that startles you, because you couldn’t care less. also, you’re pretty sure that the one thing that laura can’t do is cut hair. you don’t care, but you’re satisfied with your hair at the moment and there’s just no way you’ll change that. you nonchalantly suggest _actually, how do you feel about me cutting your hair?_ but it’s not enough so you end up compromising on cutting each other’s hair. she makes you sit quietly and you remember her that if she messes anything up, she’s next. laura ends up cutting your bangs perfectly and you forget about cutting her hair because you are tired and just want to take a nap next to her.

you are both back to bed, and you know that’s where you’ll be spending this whole weekend. you two are facing each other, right in the middle of the bed and she wraps her legs around you. you don’t want to close your eyes but you are pretty sleepy and laura starts singing the most calming tune – you don’t know that song yet and you try to keep a mental note to ask her later (Hozier's Work Song). you are so grateful for getting to know her; for living these moments with her; anyone would think you are cursed – immortal, sure, but dead too. and yet you feel nothing but blessedness when you are around her, which is a word you never thought you would use to describe yourself. how small we are in comparison to the things the universe holds for us. suffering, always, but when it offers you something sweet, you might as well take it with both hands.

when you wake up a few hours later, laura is almost finishing reading a book, she notices you’re up and fixes you a glass of blood, like it’s the simplest thing in the world and you would cry if you could. she suggests a walk and then picking up pizza for dinner, but you just want to take a shower and change your clothes. she says _i’ll go. you stay here and i’ll be right back_. when she arrives, you are blasting this song you like (Daughter's Smoked Filled Room). she just chuckles because you always put the saddest songs on full volume, and she assures – again – _i’m not complaining_. you get surprised, in a good way, when she puts the pizza on the counter, looks at you with that know-it-all eyes and says: _how about a change of pace?_ you’re not sure what to answer, but you’re intrigued since this is the first time ever she’s the one to ask you to dance. you nod a shy ‘yes’ and you can’t believe that vampires don’t cry, but they do blush.

she presses play on her phone and this ethereal song starts playing - it's Montgomery's cover of Arcade Fire's Wake Up.

she leads you from the small kitchen to the living room. laura can’t take her eyes off of you while you two do some slow dancing. she sings along: _if the children don’t grow up / our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up / we’re just a million little god’s causing rain storms / turning every good thing to rust / I guess we’ll just have to adjust / with my lightning bolts a glowing / I can see where I am going to be_. there was a time when you’d feel that this much happiness could not be achievable, and even an ounce of it would actually mean that something bad was about to come. but you don’t allow yourself to think that during this dance. that is the real sacrifice – _to let it go_. and this is when you know. you don’t believe in marriage (nor does laura), but here you are sure. all you can say is: _i love you – forever_. and forever is a long time.

later, when it gets dark, you get silent. she knows you’re just processing things. readjusting to whatever preconceived idea of living you had. and when your body relaxes and she notices it, you’re half expecting her to come up to you. she sits on top of you, kisses your neck in a way that makes you think she would be a pretty vicious vampire if she wanted to and when you’re about to say something sweet, she starts tickling you — just so she can hear that laugh that she calls the most ineffable thing in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired on this http://randomthingsthatilike.com/post/103101862722/theegyptgame-ok-but-ask-yourself-this-about
> 
> ~  
> I wrote this on my blog and tumblr, but both got deleted, so I am posting here and maybe I'll write other Carmilla stuff here as well. Let me know what you think (:


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